In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves; the process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.   --Eleanor Roosevelt

We had an incident a few weeks ago in which a group of students decided to try an "easier way" to complete class assignments.  The details aren't important, or for public consumption, but suffice it to say, the term unauthorized collaboration was used in the disciplinary process.  My initial reaction to the event was dramatic and heavy-handed--toss them all out, I said.  But then this niggling voice in my head asked me to think back 15+ years and ask, what would you have done?  I'd like to tell you that I wouldn't have been involved, that I would have heard of the plot and not only refused to participate but have gone to the proper authorities and spilled the beans.  I'd like to tell you that but it wouldn't be true--I don't know what I would have done and thankfully was never forced to decide, but I know enough of myself then to say that I probably would have cheated.  I would have rationalized it, as our students did, as being busy work, unimportant, not really telling of my ability to perform nursing care and of no bearing on my future profession; but I would have cheated.  Does that make me a bad person?  I don't think so, I think it makes me human, flawed, normal.  What's far more important and interesting than the mistake is how you deal with the aftermath.  Do you take responsibility?  Own up to your actions and suffer whatever consequences come your way?  Make the same mistake over and over? 

If I made a list of the top ten things I wish people could figure out--you life is a consequence of your decisions and actions, you are not a victim of random circumstances--would be very near the top.  When you screw up, fix it.  When you take the wrong turn, redirect.  When you do the crime, pay the time--and then don't do it again!

How you learn this lesson, and pass it onto your kiddos is still a work in progress for me.  My son, like many 8 year olds, is a master deflector.  Ask him what he did in school today and he'll tell you about lunch.  Ask him about his homework and he'll show you a cool new dance move.  Ask him about why his behavior clip was moved from excellent to needs improvement in the course of one afternoon and he'll tell you why it's everyone's fault but his.  We've been working on this, but it's hard.  When he starts a sentence with "my friend's were . . ." my immediate response is "what did YOU do?"  When he carves his name into his bed with a kitchen knife and tells me "the dog must have done it" I turn away to stop from laughing and call Daddy in for a turn. 

Ask me how my homework is going and I'll tell you about the new shoes I bought . . .